Piazzano's for City Pulse

 Here.

Waterfront for City Pulse

Not my favorite place, by a long shot.

Remember when I went there before? I hated it then, too.

Mediocre Steak Night

I have a brother. I love him very much, but he and I do not see eye to eye on food. My brother eats because he has to. He eats meals in gas stations, meals where every single ingredient comes from a can, and meals where the potatoes aren't fully cooked through, but they're close enough so he'll just go ahead and eat. When I go to my brother's house for dinner he tells me to bring all of the food, because he knows that I will complain relentlessly if I get there and he tries to feed me canned meat.

My brother and I do agree on one thing- Fazoli's. It is delicious and we go there once a year, in March, for his birthday. Alone, so nobody can see how many breadsticks we eat.

A few weeks ago I decided to emulate my brother, and when I cashed in my Speedy Rewards, I selected a gift card to the Outback. No, we didn't eat a Bloomin Onion. I ate a filet and about 4 springs of broccoli, which apparently is a serving if you're fake Australian.

Beautiful plating, eh? What did I expect. The broccoli was cooked TO DEATH. The meat was heavily seasoned. The service was actually very good.

I ate this in about 56 seconds. Then stared at the flip-through menu on the table. And ordered shrimp.

Buffalo shrimp, to be exact, with blue cheese. I would eat tree branches if they were buffalo-style and served with blue cheese. I'm a human being, after all.

The boyfriend is constantly telling me that I'm a food snob. This was my attempt to try to prove him wrong, but I failed. As I sat there, watching him eat his sad little rack of ribs, I said "I'm sad that this is some people's favorite restaurant."

By the way, I know just about nothing about Australian culture, but I've heard that they call ketchup "dead horse." Can anyone confirm or deny this?

Sliders at Studio C

Last Friday the boyfriend and I met the bestie at Studio C to see the movie Gravity. Here is a nerdy fact about me- I love space. I am utterly amazed that human beings have been able to figure out how to go to space. My Google history since seeing the movie proves that I still want to go to space camp, and on Saturday afternoon when there was a lull in the MSU football game I sat in the stands and researched if what happened to George Clooney in the movie could happen in real life.

If you need me, I'll be in the nerdery.

Here is one thing that I love and appreciate about Studio C- there is a fountain pop machine that serves club soda. I never see this at self-serve drink stations, which is a shame, because I love club soda and will drink it any old time that it's available. Fizzy water, no sugar, no junk in it. More people should drink club soda.

We ordered the Angus Beef and the Turkey Reuben sliders. The beef ones were mediocre. I liked the pretzel roll they were served on. The Turkey Reuben sliders, however, were awful. The meat was stone cold. The bread was stick-in-your-throat dry. Of the three sandwiches, I ate one, the bf ate one, and we left the third one languishing on the tray. This is a rare occurrence, since the bf acts like he grew up as a member of the Joad family and never lets food go to waste.

Of course we ate popcorn as well. And it was awesome.

Tell me this, and enter my contest on the final day (winner will be announced tomorrow)- have you been to Studio C? Did you like what you ate? Or, in the alternative, what's your favorite space movie?

Bulgogi for City Pulse

I was not a fan. Read it here.

Red Lobstah and Carnie Food

A few weeks ago I had a confession to make- I'd never been to Red Lobster. Actually, I have a hazy childhood memory of maybe eating a meal of spaghetti there, but my mother can't confirm that so I couldn't substantiate the claim.

So, the boyfriend and I headed there for dinner. Lansing's Red Lobster was in total disrepair, as apparently construction is taking place. I ordered some crazy sampler platter, because I figured I might as well experience all they had to offer.

Crab legs, lobster tail, shrimp scampi, fried shrimp, a baked potato, and the requisite bowls of butter and sour cream. It was. . . ok. I told the boyfriend that it was a once in a lifetime experience, because I'd never been there before and I won't ever go back. He, in turn, told me I am a snob. That may be true, but a few weeks later I ate this-

A Polish sausage with grilled onions. Straight-up carnie food. I followed that with a corn dog and a funnel cake. So, although I do enjoy the occasional highfalutin, knock-down drag-out meal (stay tuned for scenes from Chicago), I also know how to get down at a county fair.

A few weeks after Red Lobster while at a wedding with his hometown crew, the boyfriend's high school classmate told me that we should come to Adrian and eat dinner at the Red Lobster that he manages, as he assured me that my experience would be totally different. I'd love to go. I've never met a morsel of seafood I didn't like.

Edmund's for City Pulse

Rarely has a place been so skewered.

(And yes, although it says that it was written by Mark Nixon, it is indeed my own.)

Pork Belly at Sansu. Mistake.

If you're anything like me, when you see the words "pork belly" on a menu it's hard to think of ordering anything else. If you find yourself at Sansu anytime soon, and this item is still on the specials menu, don't order it.

Yes, it looks delicious. It ain't. There were too many chewy, rubbery bits for me to take a confident bite, and this dish was missing some serious flavor. I picked at it and then ignored it, while crying on the inside.

I wasn't that sad, though, because I'd already devoured these babies:

The Sansu avocado boats. Get back, jack. They quarter an avocado, layer it with crab salad and tuna, and tempura batter it. Let's get real for a second, "tempura battered" is highfalutin code for "deep fried." The avocado boats are legit.

I had the greatest of intentions- I thought I would get a seaweed salad and salmon sashimi and call it a night. I can't control myself. But check out what my book club girls ate:

Fork in the Road

Last Saturday night I had dinner with my favorite veterans at Fork in the Road. FITR is the stand-alone incarnation of one of my favorite eateries, Trailer Park'd. I have always loved Trailer Park'd burgers, their wood-paneled truck, and the aromas that waft out of that little trailer, but unfortunately FITR has not yet won my heart.

I ordered the Brussels Sprouts, shown above. As they are ridiculously called on the menu, the Fried Brussels with Carmelized Onion Cheddar-Apple-Maple Mustard-Cider Vinny. I love Brussels Sprouts and I like that they were whole, not shredded or halved, but there wasn't any caramelization to speak of and the mustard sauce was overpowering. 

I also had the tacos, better known as the Ballin' Ass Tacos. I can't quite bring myself to say that. I can, however, comfortably assert that these tacos are the best thing on the menu. 

I have a couple of reasons for that claim: 1. unlike many of the other options at FITR, an order of the tacos gives you a pretty substantial amount of food; 2. I think that $7.50 is a reasonable price; and 3. these tacos are GOOD. Don't order them if you can't take the heat, because the chorizo is seriously spicy and I was straight chugging water by the end of the second taco. 

I also ordered the bread pudding. After it came to the table I realized that I've already had the bread pudding at FITR and wasn't in love with it, but I soldiered through and ate half of this. 

I like the chunks of chocolate and the pistachios, but it's quite dry and the bread pudding at Soup Spoon beats the crap out of FITR. 

Here's the rub- my total after ordering these three items was $20 and change. That. Is. Outrageous. I know, I know- local, sustainable, difficult to make a profit- I know. But let's get real for a second. This is Lansing, Michigan. This diner is a stone's throw from Sexton High School (heyyyy, shoulda been a Big Red!) and a recently-shuttered GM plant. The price point at FITR is way, way off. 

My vet ordered the ravioli. He asked the cashier (yes, you order your food at the counter, pay for it, then they bring it to you, and this is awful and I hate it) if he should get a side dish, and she told him that the entree was a "huge plate of ravioli." 

There were three raviolis on the plate. It was $18. 

Guys, I just can't get behind that. And believe me, I have no problem paying for delicious food when I think it's a good value and you're getting what you pay for. I just can't say that I feel that way about FITR, and I'm sad to report that. I hope something changes. 

In the meantime, Happy Veteran's Day, in particular to my favorite Republican, my favorite veteran, my political foe and my good, good friend. You're the best.

Waterfront Bar & Grille is Sunk

Get it? I was a lifeguard for 87 years, so I know what I'm talking about.

Let me back up. In February, a bestie of mine got married in Belize. She knew that she needed to have a party here for people to shower her with Le Creuset and serving platters (the world's most popular wedding gifts, I think), and she had her little heart set on the Waterfront Bar & Grille at the City Market. I don't know why. But she did.

She booked the place for a night in March. She knew it would still be chilly, so she arranged for a tent and we hoped for the best. The proposed menu was bangin- it would be a pig roast. The pig would come from an Amish farmer, they would throw some whole chickens on the grill, there would be macaroni and cheese, roasted potatoes, and other things that I would like to rub all over my body.

This little lady is a little. . . high-strung? Type A? and she understandably wanted to communicate with management to make sure that everything was set as the date of the party approached.

She called. She emailed. She went into the joint in person. She was given the run around time and again.

Anyway, it all worked out and the party was beautiful. The food was better that I expected and I was shoving pork into my mouth like I hadn't eaten in a week. This girl is also an incredible baker and she decided to make her own cakes to feed to guests. She made 4 different 3-layer cakes and set them out for dessert. Guests were also invited to meander over to Iorio's to have some gelato with their cake. Obviously, I had several servings of everything.

It was also her dad's 60th birthday.

Turned out, it was freezing that night. I buried my cold heart in pork and cake and stuck it out, although I did spend several hours inside. At the end of the night, there was curiously no food or cake left for the happy couple to take home. Since there were only about 50 guests, a Google search tells me that there should have been leftovers to feed another 25 people. But what do I know.

Fast-forward to present day, and another bestie of mine got married 3 weeks ago. Love is a many splendored thing and all, but the bride and I really had our sights set on the food. We had been discussing for weeks exactly what we would eat all weekend. For her rehearsal dinner she decided to go back to the Waterfront for a pig roast, since the groom's favorite bar is The Exchange and he wanted to bring all of his frat bros over there after the toasts were made.

Again, her many attempts to contact management were ignored. It was annoying. It was unprofessional. But the schedule was set and we chugged along. On the night of the rehearsal, rain was in the forecast. Again, there was a tent set up, and that tent got a workout. It poured rain. Staff decided that they would wait to set out food until the rain stopped (why? what the?)

The food was finally set out, and it was a let-down. I don't know what was different, but the quality was garbage compared to what it was before.

This wasn't my plate. My plate had 3 times as much meat.

Again, the bride had brought her own dessert- 7 various pies from Sweetie-Licious. Everyone ate dinner and pie and started chatting and staring at the beautiful couple with stars in their eyes. Out of the corner of my starry eye, I saw a man come outside from where he was perched inside on a bar stool, fill a plate with pie, and go back inside. I looked at the staff member who was manning the rehearsal dinner and expected a reaction from him- expected him to go inside and, I don't know, tell patrons that it was a private party and the food wasn't for them. Instead, he looked me in the eye and shrugged.

I told some friends what had happened, and that I wasn't happy with how this evening was playing out. An hour later, the same man (it's not clear if he was an employee or not) came out and started loading up a plate with leftovers. My friend stopped him, telling him that the food wasn't for him. He mumbled some excuse- he knew it wasn't for him, he wasn't taking it, he was just helping pack up.

Whatever. I won't recommend to anyone else that they have an event at the Waterfront or even go there for a meal. Their everyday food is nothing special and the staff members are inconsiderate and rude. If you're in the City Market and it's dinnertime, head across the street to the Knight Cap. Hell, Taco 911 might even be a better bet (I don't know, I haven't been there yet.) I'm sorry to say it, but avoid the Waterfront at all costs.

Edmund's

Last week I had lunch with one of my favorite law school professors. We get together every few months for lunch and never have a plan as to where we are heading so we've spent quite a bit of time wandering up and down Washington, vetoing each other's choices. This time I suggested Edmund's and he agreed off the bat. I don't know why I suggested it. Maybe I was thinking about milkshakes.

The place was packed, and the sign at the door instructed us to seat ourselves. We stood there like morons because every table was full and eventually I spied a weird bar-type counter set up towards the back of the restaurant. That's where we ended up. It wasn't a good location, since there were actual tables of people around us and the servers were struggling to get by with their trays of food. I was pretty sure I was going to end up with burger-lap.

I needed some vegetables in my life and ordered the Ranch Chicken Salad with no cheese. The mound of iceberg lettuce, complete with those gross chunks of lettuce that won't come apart, was topped with two huge onion rings, grocery store croutons, cucumber, and other junk that gives salad a bad name. Upon further inspection of the placemat/menu, I realized that I should have ordered the Popeye Salad and added chicken. Or gone somewhere else. That probably would have been a better plan.

Christie's Bistro

Last weekend I was at the Lexington Lansing (the reincarnation of the Sheraton Hotel) for law school prom. I ate, I danced, it was lovely. I stayed at the hotel that night and the next morning I called my homegirl to meet me for brunch at Christie's. It's been at least five years since I ate there and I had high hopes.

The brunch buffet looks impressive, and I put a serious hurt on the peel and eat shrimp (which I wish were seasoned like the peel and eat shrimp at Mitchells). I don't care for omelet stations, so I ignored that and focused my attention on the prime rib. The asparagus looked good, but at dinner the night before I had eaten about 67 spears of asparagus and that was enough for me.

I don't know if they don't have mimosas and Bloody Mary's, or if the waiter just didn't offer me one, but I stuck to coffee (meh) and iced tea.

The dessert table was dressed to impress. I didn't have any cake because I was stuffed with prime rib and shrimp, but the chocolate cake that I'd eaten the night before was fantastic and I noticed it on the dessert table at brunch too.

However, this brunch is expensive. For the two of us, the bill was $40+. Not worth it. I would have been better off ordering off the room service menu and spending the afternoon lying in my king sized bed with the curtains pulled completely shut to block out the sun (my favorite thing to do in hotel rooms. Try it.)

Save some money and go downtown to Soup to Nutz instead.