Waterfront Bar & Grille is Sunk

Get it? I was a lifeguard for 87 years, so I know what I'm talking about.

Let me back up. In February, a bestie of mine got married in Belize. She knew that she needed to have a party here for people to shower her with Le Creuset and serving platters (the world's most popular wedding gifts, I think), and she had her little heart set on the Waterfront Bar & Grille at the City Market. I don't know why. But she did.

She booked the place for a night in March. She knew it would still be chilly, so she arranged for a tent and we hoped for the best. The proposed menu was bangin- it would be a pig roast. The pig would come from an Amish farmer, they would throw some whole chickens on the grill, there would be macaroni and cheese, roasted potatoes, and other things that I would like to rub all over my body.

This little lady is a little. . . high-strung? Type A? and she understandably wanted to communicate with management to make sure that everything was set as the date of the party approached.

She called. She emailed. She went into the joint in person. She was given the run around time and again.

Anyway, it all worked out and the party was beautiful. The food was better that I expected and I was shoving pork into my mouth like I hadn't eaten in a week. This girl is also an incredible baker and she decided to make her own cakes to feed to guests. She made 4 different 3-layer cakes and set them out for dessert. Guests were also invited to meander over to Iorio's to have some gelato with their cake. Obviously, I had several servings of everything.

It was also her dad's 60th birthday.

Turned out, it was freezing that night. I buried my cold heart in pork and cake and stuck it out, although I did spend several hours inside. At the end of the night, there was curiously no food or cake left for the happy couple to take home. Since there were only about 50 guests, a Google search tells me that there should have been leftovers to feed another 25 people. But what do I know.

Fast-forward to present day, and another bestie of mine got married 3 weeks ago. Love is a many splendored thing and all, but the bride and I really had our sights set on the food. We had been discussing for weeks exactly what we would eat all weekend. For her rehearsal dinner she decided to go back to the Waterfront for a pig roast, since the groom's favorite bar is The Exchange and he wanted to bring all of his frat bros over there after the toasts were made.

Again, her many attempts to contact management were ignored. It was annoying. It was unprofessional. But the schedule was set and we chugged along. On the night of the rehearsal, rain was in the forecast. Again, there was a tent set up, and that tent got a workout. It poured rain. Staff decided that they would wait to set out food until the rain stopped (why? what the?)

The food was finally set out, and it was a let-down. I don't know what was different, but the quality was garbage compared to what it was before.

This wasn't my plate. My plate had 3 times as much meat.

Again, the bride had brought her own dessert- 7 various pies from Sweetie-Licious. Everyone ate dinner and pie and started chatting and staring at the beautiful couple with stars in their eyes. Out of the corner of my starry eye, I saw a man come outside from where he was perched inside on a bar stool, fill a plate with pie, and go back inside. I looked at the staff member who was manning the rehearsal dinner and expected a reaction from him- expected him to go inside and, I don't know, tell patrons that it was a private party and the food wasn't for them. Instead, he looked me in the eye and shrugged.

I told some friends what had happened, and that I wasn't happy with how this evening was playing out. An hour later, the same man (it's not clear if he was an employee or not) came out and started loading up a plate with leftovers. My friend stopped him, telling him that the food wasn't for him. He mumbled some excuse- he knew it wasn't for him, he wasn't taking it, he was just helping pack up.

Whatever. I won't recommend to anyone else that they have an event at the Waterfront or even go there for a meal. Their everyday food is nothing special and the staff members are inconsiderate and rude. If you're in the City Market and it's dinnertime, head across the street to the Knight Cap. Hell, Taco 911 might even be a better bet (I don't know, I haven't been there yet.) I'm sorry to say it, but avoid the Waterfront at all costs.